WASHINGTON, D.C. — Claiming it’s “just a friendly gift,” Qatar has handed President Donald Trump a $400 million airborne palace equipped with fine leather, mirrored walls, and cruise control that almost certainly won’t be used to carry out regional military objectives.
The aircraft, a gold-trimmed Boeing 747-8 originally built for a Qatari royal who preferred to govern at cruising altitude, will serve as Air Force One for the remainder of Trump’s second term before being transferred to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation—unless it accidentally lands at Mar-a-Lago and is “forgotten there,” according to sources familiar with the glide path.
Qatari officials insist the gift is purely symbolic and poses no national security risks, despite several features raising eyebrows, including phone chargers that automatically mirror devices to a secure server in Doha “just to ensure you’re having a smooth, comfortable digital experience.” A “cruise control” function reportedly allows Qatari military officials to assume navigational control and gently redirect the aircraft to “safe destinations, and absolutely not into the west wing of Al-Yamamah Palace at 24.6651° N, 46.6404° E on June 11th.”
A Pentagon label near the cruise control panel reads: “In case of sovereign override, please remain seated and do not question Qatar’s broader regional strategy.”
Trump reportedly asked why there was a button in the cockpit labeled “STRIKE,” and why pressing it caused panels on the wings to open and emit what appeared to be missile deployment sounds. Qatari officials assured the press the button simply launches “gift baskets, edible arrangements, and signed soccer balls from the 2011 World Cup. We like to think of ourselves as the Oprah of the sky.”
Concerns have also emerged over several U.S. quarters taped to the underside of the Situation Room conference table, which Qatari engineers insist are “definitely not microphones.” Passengers are warned not to remove them, as the quarters are “load-bearing and required for the plane’s structural integrity.”
Inside, the aircraft has been lavishly customized to suit the Trump family. Melania has access to a private Nordstrom’s stocked exclusively with cream coats and an employee paid to say nothing. Eric has a 15-foot-deep presidential ball pit labeled “Cabinet Deep End,” where he’s been heard whispering, “I’m the Secretary of Fun.”
When Trump told Barron about the “nice gift from the Mooslims,” the younger Trump reportedly asked if the flight attendants would be “like, 72 virgins or whatever.” The president quickly corrected him: “No, you’re thinking of that budget line—Virgin Air. Terrible airline run by that terrible communist. I never liked Richard Branson.”
Since receiving the plane, Trump has reportedly spent several hours a day inside a mirrored maze near the unused gym, flirting with his reflection.
Trump later thanked the Emir of Qatar for the gift, praising his impeccable taste and regal aesthetic. Gesturing toward the Emir’s ceremonial robes, he added, “The man’s got a real commitment to Dumbledore role-play. Magical guy. Very respected. Very powerful.” He continued, “People say I’m a Slytherin. I don’t know what that means. I didn’t read the book—Harry had to wait until he was eleven to access his family’s vault of money. And no young boy should ever be deprived of rolling around in a money pit.”
