Hard news in soft cotton
Facebook-f Instagram Youtube X-twitter Tiktok
Hard news in soft cotton

Culture

Culture

Hooters Economic Collapse Forces Nation to Make Eye Contact with Waitresses

In a devastating blow to America’s leering economy, the sudden closure of dozens of Hooters restaurants has left thousands of men grappling with a harsh new reality: making eye contact with women who aren’t contractually obligated to laugh at their Jeep mods. To ease the transition, Hooters has begun distributing EyeRespect Women Sunglasses™, which use reflective lenses to redirect the male gaze—upward.
Culture

Gas Leak in Iowa Theater Provides Welcome Reprieve for Alto Knights Viewers

A gas leak during a screening of The Alto Knights in Des Moines offered unexpected mercy to viewers, knocking them out midway through Robert De Niro’s 87th hat-based monologue. “It was the best part of the film,” said one survivor, later suing for emotional damages and lost time.
Culture

‘Wicked’ Becomes Top-Grossing Movie; Evangelicals Condemn Its Central Theme of Interracial Friendship

As Wicked becomes the highest-grossing film of all time, some evangelical leaders are sounding the alarm — condemning the movie’s depiction of interracial friendship, broomstick defiance, and what they describe as “reckless female alliances formed without male supervision.”
Culture

Gayle King Declares Herself an Astronaut After 11-Minute Blue Origin Ride; Anderson Cooper Applies for Mars Mission After Spinning in Chair

After an 11-minute Blue Origin flight, Gayle King has officially declared herself an astronaut — proudly placing herself alongside Buzz Aldrin and Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar. Her triumphant suborbital journey included floating in microgravity, mistaking a Marshalls for Oprah’s house, and petitioning the Smithsonian to enshrine her Spanx in the National Air and Space Museum.
Culture, Local News

Boy’s Suspicion of Terminal Illness Confirmed by Surprise Ariana Grande Visit

After months of vague test results and cryptic medical conversations, 17-year-old Trevor Stills only began to suspect something was seriously wrong when Ariana Grande showed up at his house holding a corsage on prom night and calling him “so strong.”
Culture

GOP Adds Chappell Roan to Federal Watchlist After 3% Lesbianism Spike

Alarmed by a spike in youth lesbianism, GOP lawmakers are targeting pop star Chappell Roan as a national threat. A new bill seeks to add her to a federal watchlist after analysts linked her rise to increased Google searches like “how to tell if you’re in love with your best friend” and “how to make focaccia from scratch.”
Culture, Tech

#KidneyForTikTok: Teens Sell Organs in Last-Ditch Effort to Save App

As TikTok faced a nationwide ban, teens launched a chaotic rescue mission involving bake sales, fun runs, and black-market organ sales under the banner #KidneyForTikTok. With one teen sacrificing both kidneys and another raising $6,000 for her appendix, efforts culminated in a $50 million duct tape wallet auction and a candlelight vigil at Sammy’s Vape Shop and Patisserie.
Culture

Kourtney Kardashian’s Pregnancy Announced on Instagram, Fetus Already Has Brand Deals

Kourtney Kardashian has announced she’s expecting her fourth child — and the baby’s already beating influencer milestones. Nicknamed Halo Marmalade, the five-month-old fetus has reportedly signed with WME, secured brand deals with Erewhon and Balenciaga Baby, and been featured in Forbes Under 0.5.
Culture

Trump Claims to be ‘Blacker’ than Harris, Recalls His Three-Point Shot Made in ‘98

At a recent rally, Donald Trump declared himself “blacker than Kamala Harris,” citing his 1998 three-point shot, his “invention” of Juneteenth, and a mentorship he claims to have given LeBron James—who has since clarified he’s never met the man. Trump also alleged Harris became Black after attending a Jackson 5 concert, and accused her of taking a MasterClass titled How to Succeed in Blackness Without Really Trying.

Trending News

Stoners Now A Protected Class in California
  • Read More...
International Student Ban Reversed by Harvard Alumni Judge with a Rasmus-Shaped Hole in Her Heart
  • Read More...
Hooters Economic Collapse Forces Nation to Make Eye Contact with Waitresses
  • Read More...
Fake Ad
Fake Ad
Fake Ad
Fake Ad

Subscribe Our newsletter

Quick Links

The Briefing is an award-winning independent news outlet — so long as you have a loose definition of “award” and “winning.”
Trusted by up to seven people worldwide, we remain proudly unaffiliated with facts, reason, or credible sources. This is a satirical website. No actual news reporting is conducted here. If you’re confused, that’s on you.

At The Briefing, we are committed to giving back. That’s why we pledge 20% of all future profits to teaching America’s youth how to watch TV, so they never have to entertain themselves with a book again.
Because literacy is important — but reading is really f*cking boring.
👉 Click here to donate to the cause.

Contact Information

Facebook-f Instagram Youtube X-twitter Tiktok

Join Us

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.